Monday, December 28, 2009

Where did my life go??

As I sit here with the little daycare kiddos napping and the big kiddos playing Super Nintendo I wonder what has happened to my life. Where did I lose it? I feel like I am living someone elses life. I really don't like where I am at all. I am stuck working way too many hours and not having enough time for myself. Tammy time is very important to me and I really don't have any of that anymore. I am tired of always having kiddos at my house. Not that I don't love them, because I do, I just wish it was back to like it should be with me only working from 6am to 6pm.

I know that you are all probably thinking whoopie, you have kids at your house, we have kids at our house all the time. I do know for a fact that that is what some people think. They say "How hard of a job could it really be?" It's not a physically demanding job, but it is a very emotional demanding and stressful job. And having to do it all the time, well it just sucks.

I have lost who I am and where I belong. I am so tired of kids and computers and cell phones. I am tired of having to do everything. I am tired of being in pain and just simply tired of being tired. I want the life I used to have back. I want the life where Hubby and I went to bed at the same time. The life where we watched TV together in the evenings, without the computers and text messages. The life where I enjoyed cooking and cleaning for my family. The life where Hubby and I had the time and money to have "date" nights. The life where Hubby and I spent time TOgether. The life where I had time to go visit my family. The life where I could lay on the couch in the evening and doze off. The life where I would get tons of hugs and kisses every day. The life where I could sleep-in in the morning or into the afternoon. The life where Hubby and I could lay in bed and talk about what happened during that particular day or what we were going to do on that particular day.

As I sit here and type this, I am sitting here crying. Why? Because I am tired and don't know which way to go. I am out of anti-depressant and I have become someone that I do not like very well. Oh, waa waa waa! That is exactly how I am feeling. I hate this! I just want to go to bed and sleep long enough that when I wake up my life will be back to normal. What a waa-ner I have become........wacky ward, I am getting closer. I can feel it.

Because of the way I feel, I have decided to cut down the time I spend on this computer and entering giveaways and blogging. Even though this is something that I do enjoy, it does take a lot of my time. It is time that I could be doing other things like cleaning or reading a good book. I would say it is time that I could be spending with Hubby but he is either on his laptop or somewhere doing some work for someone.

Grrr! Just called our County Job and Family Services to ask about getting the medical card because we were turned down for Health Insurance because we are too fat and.....of course "We can't help you if you make over the income guidelines." Okay, so I make too much money for the stinking medical card but I can't get health insurance because we are too fat. WTF?? Someone have any suggestions. Oh wait, if I loose my mind does that make me disabled? Does that make me able to get the medical card? So if I am a loser or crazy I can get the d*mn card. This country sucks!!



  1. I'm so sorry you're feeling so low right now! Hang in there! This too shall pass.

  2. O my gosh I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. My mom ran a daycare when I was young and had to finally walk away due to stress. She loved the kids but taking care of a lot of little ones can be very stressful.

    Insurance in this country does suck as I have been battling with it for 4 years now. I have insurance and the bills have drained all of our savings and put us in debt.

    I hope you feel better and maybe a little break from the computer will help. I just spent 5 days away from the blog and feel very refreshed. Its the first time since April that I didnt even glance at it or care.

    Hang in there your one tough chick.


  3. Awww I hope going easier on the computer helps to make you feel better!!! Our health care system really is terrible but I'm not sure there is an easy answer that will make everyone happy!

  4. Tammy, Ya know what? We've all been there! You know what you need to feel better. My mom too was denied for health insurance and found a company that approved her. There isn't just one company out there. YOu need to keep searching. Blogging is about the only thing that makes me feel better. Right now I'm a bit overwhelmed my self and may take a few days off. I already have been backing down a bit but can't completely because blogging has become a passion for me. I love the friendships that Ive made. Yours including. Hang in there sweetie. Hugs

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